19th Stepping Stone

Birthdays, these are the countdown of our death.

Why aren’t we realizing this fact? Is it because we are blinded by the gifts, heart-attacking surprises, or chocolatey cakes?

Anyway, when I was a little girl, I am always excited with my Birthday. My wishes and desires on having an adorable puppy was consistent every year. Now, my wish has been granted, so what else do I want to satisfy myself? Selfishness or Innocence?

You know? Something creeps me out, and it bothers me a lot. From the past few days before my birthday, my mind created a chaos. I overthink about things that matters to me the most, I tried to ignore it but it won’t go away. So what is that? or maybe.. who? Show yourself, I am not afraid!

I can’t get rid of my system the confusing pressure that I’ve been going through. Every night was a disaster, and it was more than a nightmare. It was like a suicidal thought, they started whispering negative knives. All I can do was squeezing my pillow tightly, to allow myself in releasing its unwanted omen. Help me! Help me! I think I made a big mistake.

This maybe childish but for me to get out of this horrific maze was to engage myself with a living being. I can feel that my luck had been weakened by the hollows, so I need to balance that Yin and Yang itself. It is for me survive, and to be happy. Clues: Needles, Cotton Candies, & a Baseball.

Now, I am a grown lady.

All I ever wished was to have a strong bond with my family and friends.
All I ever wished was for my brother’s autism will be long gone forever.
All I ever wished was to have an endless of wishes, if my other wishes failed to cooperate with me.

Stop asking for more, because it will never be enough to fill that empty heart. 

Life is short, so don’t ever count. 

Follow your zing, let life take you to your greatest adventure and be blessed of what it brings.


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